We are in the midst of choices. It’s hard to decide what to do. And the confusion, uncertainty and downright fear is driving me crazy.
My stomach hurts and I feel nauseous. I’m irritable and tense, and I want to cry.

I don’t know what to do.

I hate not having a plan, not knowing what’s the best, the right choice.

Most of all, I hate this feeling.

Psalm 46 says “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea.”

God promised that no matter what is going on around me, He will be my strength, my help, my refuge, and I don’t have to be afraid.

I may not have to, but I still am. I guess it comes down to this: Do I really trust God?

I’m not sure it’s so much about trusting Him to be there, as trusting His directions.

There’s a VeggieTales phrase that just went through my head: if we follow His directions, even though they don’t make sense to us, we can trust Him with the rest. He really does know what’s best for us.

Can I rest in that? Do I really believe it? Will I surrender to not knowing and trust that He does know?

What I’m really fighting with is the sense of not being in control. I need to let Him be in control (as if I was ever really in control anyways..) And trust.

Trust.

Surrender to His sovereignty. Bow to His will. Trust in His control.

And I can.. When I remember how much He loves me, when I think of how much He’s already done for me, taken care of for me, suffered through just to reach me.. I can trust that this time, as always, He is in control, and really does know what’s best for me, and I can relax.

When I remind myself of how He’s taken care of other situations where I saw no way out, I can relax here and be still, because He is God — He hasn’t changed.

This is stretching me, because instead of being able to do something and trust that He will handle the result, He’s asking me to wait and be patient and let Him do something *and* handle the result…and provide what’s needed.

It’s a big thing for this woman. I get security in knowing what’s next, in having a plan, in the certainty of a schedule, a bank balance, an appointment.

I have a bigger security in know Who’s in charge, Who has better plans, Who has all the riches in the universe, Who control’s all time.

I surrender. God, You know best, You take care of it, and help me trust you more.

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